Reflections of a random rebel.

• Never expect people to be aware of your needs or wants. ASK!
• Never judge people by their appearance…have met angels in the humblest of appearances.
• Always spell out what u are worth, or think u are worth…else people will ‘de-value’ u.
• When/if u truly love someone-family, friend, what-ave-u, tell them whenever you can…u never can tell how long they will be around.
• What goes around surely comes around, some of us are just lucky to have stepped out when ‘it’ comes around.
• Never smell what you don’t intend eating.
• Age is perhaps the most irrelevant basis of relating with people. There are adults with the heart of a child, there are children whose wisdom surpass their age, and there are people whose number of years is directly proportional to their level of stupidity.
• When someone does not love you, let the heavens fall, sell ur soul, jump of the bridge, kill ur mother...It can’t, won’t, shan’t…change a thing!
• Form when you need to…
Act cream when u have to…
Act chick when its necessary…
But most importantly…be as RAZZ as possible when the situation calls for it.
There are times when forming and creaminess will only get u into trouble.
Besides, razzness can be really fun.lol

• Never go to bed without saying your prayers!
• Find time to have fun and be with loved ones…time is too short.
• Dare to be different!
• Don’t ever order a meal just cos it appears nice in the other person’s plate.
• If you meet someone you like, tell the person and walk away. u never know…
• Never put all the cash you have on u in a wallet or purse…
Never put all valuables (phones, ipod, atm) in ur bag. Keep stuffs in separate pockets.
And ‘vex money’ is the most important thing to hold when going out on a date with any guy!
• Never assume anything, especially in relationships…clarify/state things out in black and white!
• Happiness will never be found by searching…it just comes to one.
• It’s always better to walk away when angry…I have never tried this, but am sure it works.

his is for no one in particular...
just strings of weird stuffs that goes thru my head
*some of these incidents did happen*

I do not hate you
But I hate the way you send me
A ‘call-me-it’s-an-emergency’ text at 10:30pm.
And I try to hurry so I can save your life.
So I run as fast as I can down the street, wake that poor old woman up...
Run back to my gate, find out I locked myself out...Still have you in mind all the same.
I recharge my phone and speedily dial your number “Are you okay?”I said.
And then u say “I dey, abeg no vex, i wanted to ask you, in FRIENDS,
Did Rachael sleep with joey too?
“Thought you said it was an EMERGENCY???

I do not hate you
But I really hate it
When you call me first thing Monday morning
And say,“Tunrayo, I brought you something form the states”
And am grinning from ear-to-ear, thanking God for making me know you.
And the you add “but am in Badagry now, you have to come pick it up there”
‘No problem” I said.Then I pick a cab, off to Badagry all the way from Bariga.
Got stuck in traffic for more than 4hrs, finally got there and then...
“I got you three chocolates-1 Bounty, 1 Mars and 1 Trix”...
Isn’t that really great???

I do not hate you
But I really really hate it
When you spend your whole day doing other things
Then you wait for exactly 2.a.m to call my phone.
And with all the strength I can muster, I pick up the phone
And the first thing I hear you say is “are you sleeping already”
And I ignore the question hoping you are a nightmare that will soon go away
But you continue by saying, “I saw your status update on Facebook,
Just wanted to let you know that I think it’s funny?”
Have you graduated to taking coke???

I do not hate you
But I so much hate it
When you called me at 3p.m, said you have an important decision
You want me to help you make, and am thinking, “This is it!
And I get off work early, head straight for your office regardless of the traffic.
Then I saw you, excitedly I said, “I am listening” and then you say
“Well I have always wanted a gladiator sandal, and then this girl brought some
To the office today, I don't know whether I should pick the black or brown”?
I came all the way to Ikeja to help you pick a pair of sandals???
*shakes my head and stares into space*


To my children, yet unborn.
Wherever u are –on a very long waiting-to-be-born queue in heaven or in my body somewhere-I hope u get to read this…
The following are rules that u must obey, strictly, during your years of living with me, in my house, sorry, our house.
Since I am yet to know who your father will be at the time of this writing, permit me to say that some rules may change later on while some new ones will also be added.
I am not a wicked mother I just have to guard against rearing children who will disgrace me like Farouk-when u get here, will tell you his story.
These are the rules:


GENERAL RULES
1. You will as a matter of compulsion add me as friend on facebook when u are old enough to join. In fact, I must have access to Ur account at all times.

2. Drinking of beer or stout or other forms of bitter alcohol is highly prohibited. If you must drink, it must be sweet alcohol-sugar is good for the body.

3. Smoking of anything aside from fish is highly prohibited. If u want to get high, climb the ceiling!

4. I will never lay my hands on u but I have punishments for every offense that will make u wish I had beaten the hell out of u.

5. Until u are able to afford it for urselves, I will not buy u ridiculously expensive and vain items like Lacewigs, Brazilian hair, Indian hair, or whatever. If u know u love to have the Brazilian or Indian hair, tell the angel in charge of u over there to hook me up with a Brazilian or Indian guy-that way u will have the hair naturally and not have to spend huge amount of money buying it.

6. I will not tolerate meaningless crying or sobbing, if u want something simple say it or write it in a note and give it to me.

7. I will love u unconditionally but I will love u more if u can be a genius and invent useful devices such as generators that will run on water since there is no guaranty that the Electricity and fuel problems in Nigeria would have been solved by the time u get here.

8. U can bring home friends as long as they are of same sex with u. don’t try to be smart, telling she/he is ur friend when in fact she/he is ur brother/sister’s girlfriend/boyfriend. I played that game too well that I can tell exactly whose friend is who!

9. Regardless of whatever era or country u are raised in, if u are a BOY-u must like only GIRLS and if u are a GIRL u must like only BOYS! chikena!

10. U shall watch only movies that improve Ur intellect. Movies and TV shows such as papa ajasco and company, aje ni y’ami, ta ni ki’n pa, lukuluku etc are very much prohibited.-except of course ur daddy is starring in them!

11. Any money given to u by my friends or family member belongs solely only to me-the only monetary gifts u are allowed to keep is that which ur friend gives u-and I still have the executive right to ask for it if the need arises.

12. You shall not waste your time acquiring skills that are not useful. if we reside in Nigeria and u happen to have an ice-skating skill, please swap it with the ability to be able to figure out how to make the fuel in a generator last longer.

13. If u are caught stealing my things, no I will not punish u. I will only steal your own stuffs too. So for the safety of those youthful things I will envy u for having, stay away from my adult stuffs too.

14. Except our TV is directly connected to the commentators microphone-when watching football matches, u will not shout the players name or tell them what to do or how to play. No screaming, no cussing, no useless analysis, no kicking the air. U shall watch the match with utmost decorum and decency-we will do the exact opposite of this rule if it turns out that ur father is a football megastar.


RULES ON FOOD AND NUTRITION
1. You shall eat with sincere gratitude whatever I cook at anytime. If I decide it’s Amala for breakfast and Pringles with tea for dinner, then so shall it be-Mama know best!

2. Regardless of whether you father is from Ekiti or not, I will not make you “original’ pounded yam! The closest you will get is ‘poundo yam’, so if one of your greatest fantasy up there is to eat a lot of pounded yam on earth, then I will suggest u join the special skills queue now that u are still in heaven and ask the angel in charge to give u the ability to be able to pound yam for the whole nation!

3. There will be no begging of food from strangers-if u see someone eating something u like, just tell me-I might buy it for u but that’s only if I feel like eating it too.

4. Since rice is my best food-automatically, it should be your best food too. I therefore advise that you stop eating rice whenever it’s served in heaven since u will spend the better part of Ur life on earth eating it. Also go ahead and eat all the eba u can in heaven now-u won’t get to taste that once u get into my house.

5. If I am lucky to have someone taller than I am as your father-then u won’t get to eat much beans. But if not, be prepared to consume sacks and sacks of beans-I don’t want to raise “down-to-earth” children!

6. In my time, I was taught that its bad manners to eat you meat before u finish your food, well I really don’t care which u eat 1st, as long as u eat everything.



SCHOOL RULES
1. Regardless of whatever story Ur grandma will tell u, I was a very brilliant and studious student. My results will not be available for your perusal, but I expect u A’s at all times.

2. If u so decide to have nicknames it must be nice and sensible. Names like Choko, palacci, jagoon and the likes is highly prohibited. No naming of urself after the latest slang or reigning individuals. Even if the reigning word in ur time is “strut” or” brag”- I don’t want to ever hear u calling urself “strutillicios” or “braggado” or whatever annoying name u can creatively come up with.

3. At no point in time should u ever come home crying cos u have been bullied-I expect u to be the bully.

4. Your choice of profession is ENTIRELY up to u, as long as u pay Ur school fees ENTIRELY!





found this in my mail today.
A friend sent it to me late last year.
It made sense then and after reading it today it still does..
I hope it makes sense to you too..




Dear Tugbaski,

I may be wrong and in fact I hope I am, but when I read through your Note it seems to me like things didn't quite work out as you had hoped in 2009. it is on that premise that I thought ill reach out to you on the platform you love best.

You asked me at some point how I would describe you to me you come across as mostly Brown (natural, down to earth and a realist) and Blue (Calm, trustworthy peaceful and proud). One in a while you are Orange (excited, enthusiasts and warm) At times though you seem alone, sad and very ruffled within the calm facade (still Brown/Blue). But I know this is not all that you are but I guess its the way you are around me, because In our conversations hear about the Red you (fiery, easily angered, sharp tongued).

Now in response to your turbulent and ordinary 2009 I thought i'll write you a Note (A long one).

Finding Happiness

I believe in that people can be happy, but as an adult the dimensions of happiness are so diverse that all the pieces are hardly ever in place at the same time. The funny thing that makes it even more knotty is also that as we grow up and live our lives the priorities attached to the pieces shift around.

As a baby we are happy once our stomach is full. As a toddler in addition to the full stomach all we need to be happy are things to play with and people to care for us.

Things start getting complicated as we become teenagers, somewhere between toddler and teenager we begin to recognise the worldly things and understand that all men are not equal. For us to be happy at this point we usually require the worldly things and acceptance from friends and non friends (even those that don't care if you live or die)

Unfortunately it does not get any easier, as we become adults we realise this very famous saying is true . . . no man is an island. . .sadly we also find that this sometimes is why we cant be happy. Sometimes its family that is the problem sometimes it's friends.

While all of this is happening we also realise that there is “life” it just happens to you. You get lucky, you loose a loved one, you get into trouble , you fall sick, you win the lottery. So as you become an adult you learn that you can prepare and plan but “life” is not that simple. . . ultimately this realization helps us to find "faith". . .faith helps us to explain and possibly direct the overbearing hand of “life”

As if things are not complicated enough at this stage we then add love to the mix or should I say our quest for love . . . i'm not going to dwell on this your Healing poem tells it all.

In the mist of all this as young adult we start to worry about the future, Self fulfillment, settling down, making it, Serving God and many other thing usually you are more confused that convinced.

I believe in Happiness and people can be happy but to recognise happiness when it comes we need to know where we are going, what we want it to look like as an individual.

Take the paint and the brush and paint on a canvass where we want to be. We also need to remember that as we go we may need to modify this picture and sometimes change it totally. So like I said all the pieces of the picture will not fall into place at the same time but I believe that when the picture is almost complete with little or none of the main elements missing we can be happy.

I truly wish you a Happy 2010

1.The pedestrian toaster.

These ones are the most notorious.
its like they leave their house with a toasting target.
-20 gals per day
they'ld walk u to up anywia and most times they'ld start the cnversation with
''u look familiar'..
almost every lady looks familiar to them because they have obviously 'toasted' them b4 at sum point or the other...

2.The one who has read the encyclopeadia of pick up lines.

ha ha, these ones are my favourite of all times cos i ahve also mastered the act of giving the perfect response to their lame pick up lines.
e.g-guy:''heaven must be missing an angel''
me: (with the konkest waffi tone i can muster)..an den tell u say na me kidnap am''?
i know what angels look like,and if not anything, i know they dont have 'manchesters' like mine.
so quit the lying and say sumtin else...
or ''i didnt catch ur name''...''i didnt throw it!''


3.The on-the-job Toaster

These one's are like the worst.
and most of the time they are bankers.
you want to deposit oh, u want to withdraw oh..they will ask for your number and try to start a converstion by dumbly saying something like '' withdraw enough for two oh,or spend this money now,its urs''....and yes, Lagos state taX collectors tooo...na Tax then kon collect na number they go change am too..
oh,its really worse when they are Doctors too,imagine going for a cervical cancer test and after standing up,trying desperately not to be embarrased, he goes like ''can i have ur number'?
''Hell No''!!

4.The Accidental Toaster

These ones are like preys, wiating for ur shoppin bag or books or whatever it is you are holdin and they'ld pretend to want to help and then the next thing is..''whats ur name beautiful''??
most times they are the cause of these accidents!

5.The one who asks the very dumb questions

''...sorry is this the way to the island?''
''...excuse me, is Fashola the Govnor of This state''
''...sorry,is it true that Yara'dua is dead?''
''...what's the time pls?''-''guy,u are wearin a wristwatch,am not!''
cut the crap Man and go straight to the point...

6.The one with the horrible grammar

someone once asked me this question, ''how many MALE BROTHERS do u have???''
till date, i still dont know the right answer to that question..
or ''whats ur area of proffessional concentration''?
like wtf are u trying to say??

7.The pathetic gadget show-off

he starts a converstion with something like this
''...is that a Blackberry?''
''no, its not''
''oh, i thought it was,it looks just like my BB bold.i just got it, u wanna see?''
''do i look like a 5 yr old???''

So I read another really nice book called MAN AND BOY by Tony Parsons.
It was the story of a man, who is supposedly happily married and had everything. Great wife, a lovely son and a good job but threw it all away just because of a one-night-stand. Then he had to learn to appreciate the little things he took for granted and find his way back to happiness.

Let me tell you a little about the story.
When his wife found out about his infidelity, she packed up her bags and left with their son.
He begged and pleaded and did all he could do, but the wife told him that she couldn’t trust him again and since he did it once, he was going to do it again. At some point, I started getting pissed with the wife. I was thinking why is she making a big deal out of it?
Why walk out on your marriage just because of such a trivia issue?
I kept thinking, what else do you want him to do? At least he apologised and promised not to do it again. I kept seeing her as an ‘alaseju’.
I kept thinking, all these white women self.

Before you begin your own judgement too, let me tell you a little about the wife.
She was born to a father who was never there while she was growing up, a man who went around the world, getting married to women and then walking out on them.
So she grew up with the notion that all men are like that. But then she met this really romantic guy who made her believe in love and fairytales. She believed all that he ever told and promised her, he was her everything. She gave up her career, dreams, friends and all for him. So when he cheated, just once, she was broken beyond repair because she never for once doubted him.

In the book, the man at some point said ‘it was just meaningless sex’ and she said, ‘that is why it hurts more’.
Trying to justify his reasons for cheating he also said ‘men don’t cheat because they no longer love their wives, the cheat because there was an opportunity to cheat and most times because they are bored with the old ‘stuff’.

I got to work and discussed the book with my colleague who lent it to me. I realised he felt what the woman did was unnecessary too. He said she was probably tired of the marriage and wanted out.
At that point I realise that is the way the average person in this part of the world sees infidelity in marriage. It is ok, as long as the husband doesn’t do it to your face and if he is caught, an apology should settle it. It is not a big deal and a lot of women go into marriage with that notion.

The average white person will walk out on a marriage regardless of how many years it has been if her husband does as much as kiss another woman. I can imagine what people will say if a Nigerian woman decides to divorce her husband because he cheated once. Her parents will probably think she has gone crazy and would rather take her to church for prayers ignoring the real problem.
These days, wives have learnt to just look away. Why bother reading his text message when you know that you might die of a heart attack from the contents?

A friend once asked me whether I can break-up with a guy if I find him cheating.
I told him it depends on who he does it with, where he does it, and probably how.
He looked at me and asked me whether I have always been like this.
My response, ‘I have learnt over time that the fastest way to get a heart attack is to go around thinking your partner is infallible’.
I had this boss who was really nice and unbelievably patient with people. When she was asked how she does it, she says she sees every human as imperfect and always assumes that at some point they will do something wrong. She said she hardly gets upset with people, even her husband.

I do get upset with people, a whole lot and I will be very upset if I find out my partner is cheating but I will not be surprised. Forgive me for sounding so cynical, but am still yet to meet a guy who would prove me wrong.
The greatest disadvantage of having this school of thought is that people like me who believe in it are incapable of loving wholeheartedly.
We go into a relationship expecting the worst and not trusting the other person completely. We would have created the worst scenario in our heads and because we spend so much time expecting the worst we end up not really savouring the uniqueness of the relationship.
The greatest advantage is that whatever happens, we are always prepared and most times, we do not get deeply hurt.

I blame the woman in that book. I blame her for believing so much in a man. I blame her for giving everything up for HIM, even though he was her husband and then I blame her for not forgiving him because what they had was really beautiful.
As far as am concerned, Divorce is never an option. well, except if I find him sleeping with another man, my relative, an animal or if he beats me.

But what is love without, trust and hope and faith?
What is love when one is not willing to make sacrifices for the other?
One of the greatest beauties of being in love is the ability to let you guard down. To trust another person with your heart and believe that he or she would not hurt you.
It’s the most wonderful feeling ever and I know this feeling because have felt it before…

Two weeks ago, my dearest brother, Fikayo, gave me a book called -the way to happiness (a common sense guide to better living). One of the beauty of this book is that its not meant for you to read alone. You are supposed to read and buy more to distribute to people around you.People, who you think your happiness is somewhat dependent on theirs. In other words, people who you know that if somehow they are unhappy it can result in you being unhappy. Then on the third page there is a part that says,"why i gave you this book-your survival is important to me"-who would have thought that? lol..

Asides from the fact that i was glad that at least am that important to my brother(smiles), i also think the book is a great book. it's easy to read and really cute like that , u know? It summarizes in few lines the basic things and habits you can do to make yourself live a happier life and and have peace of mind. The best thing about it is that it is not a religious book so basically anyone can read it and adapt its teachings.

It summarizes the rules as follows:
1.Take care of yourself-get care when you are ill,keep your body clean,preserve your teeth,eat properly, and get rest.
2.Be temperate-do not take harmful drugs and do not take alcohol in excess.
3.Don't be promiscuous-be faithful o one partner.
4.Love and help children.
5.Honor and help your parents.
6.Set a good example.
7.Seek to live with the truth-do not bear false witness
8.Do not murder
9.Do not do anything illegal.
10.Support a government designed and run for all people.
11.Do not harm a person of goodwill.
12.Safe guard and improve your environment-take care of your own area and help take care of the planet.
13.Do not steal.
14.Be worthy of trust-keep your words once given.
15.Fulfill your obligations.
16.Be industrious.
17.Be competent-look,learn and practice.
18.Respect the religious beliefs of others.
19.Try not to do things to others that you will not like them to do to you.
20.Try to treat others as you would like them to treat you-justness,loyalty,good sportsmanship,fairness,honesty,kindness,consideration,compassion, self control,tolerance,forgiveness,benevolence,belief,respect,politeness,dignity,admiration,
friendliness, love and integrity.
21.Flourish and prosper.

That is a really long list I know but imagine if everyone read this book and makes attempt to follow these rules? one of the rules that always seem to cross my mind is No. 18.RESPECT THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS OF OTHERS. Recently i heard and read the news of the senator who did go ahead to marry a thirteen yr old. For me, the interesting part was the fact that he said he was not bound by any other law asides from the Islamic law and that the Islamic law allows for him to marry a thirteen year old-if at all his latest bride is thirteen. So for like a week i wondered in my mind, is he really right? Since his religion allows it, then what he is doing is not wrong. I must respect his religious beliefs. Then i thought, if we all go around acting based on only religious laws there would be chaos.

I always say that Nigerians are like the funniest people when it comes to religion. when we want to do something wrong, we always seem to find someone in our religious books to point to who did it and that makes it okay. Well it is not, the fact that Prophet Mohammad did marry a young girl as well does not make it okay to do it now. That was then, this is now! what he did contravened the child rights acts of 2003 and although this law is not ratified in all states of Nigeria, as a senator he should be the one upholding these laws not bending it.

Regardless of whatever physical, educational and mental growth a thirteen yr old has, as far as i am concerned, he or she is still a child. The worst thing you can ever do to anyone is to deny them of their childhood. When you suddenly force adulthood on a child it somehow has a way of backfiring. Nature itself does things in stages and there is a stage and time for everything.
I do not have the power or influence to fight this man but heaven knows if i had it, i would have fought him. Don't get me started on the girls parent, let's just leave that for another day.

So i came up with the "AT 13" movement. Lets all update our statuses from time to time, on facebook and twitter, whatever you can think of stating the childish things we were still doing at thirteen.Doing this will make people see how young a 13 yr old really is and somehow prevent things like this from happening in the future.

So I finally decided to get my acts together and get on with this blog thing. I was inspired to finally start because of a terrible nightmare I had. I decided to share my story maybe some people will learn from it. My favorite pair of shoes appeared to me in my dream three nights consecutively. The first night it was pleading with me to have mercy then the next night it threatened me and then, on the third night, I don’t know what happened but i woke up from sleep cos I heard a sound like someone was trying to open the main door. I went to the living room. Lo and behold, my lovely, beautiful loafers was trying to escape.it has finally decided to leave me…

Some of us own some things that we love so much, for me one of such things is my golden-brown loafers. It is so comfortable and it made the mistake of coming to this world in a color that actually matches almost everything. I wear it to work like three days out of five. Sometimes when am done dressing up and am looking for it, I find it in a funny place. Trying to hide from me but after so much cajoling and promises to treat it better it will agree to go to work with me. I guess it got to a point where it couldn’t take it no more, hence the nightmare.

I guess by now some people are beginning to wonder why I can’t just go on and buy another one. Its like this, if there is one problem that I have, its acquiring of shoes. I have never bought any other material thing as much as have bought shoes. But most times I buy them out of “ojukokoro’-I know I can’t wear them for long or that they are not very comfy but I still buy them. Unfortunately, I love high-heeled and very colorful shoes, but they are not everyday wear and besides I end up with these terrible cramps at night when I wear heels for long. I won’t disclose the number of shoes I have gotten this year for security reasons (lol) but am still yet to wear some of them. I know it’s a big problem and I have decided to address it.

I honestly don’t think the loafers should be complaining yet. At least there are things that have had for years and I have refused to let go of. Some of them I cant remember when I got them but they are still here with me. Like my cream colored stretchy trouser pants. Its has been with me since I was a size twelve -In my first year in the university,2003-till now and we still have a lot of years to spend together or my black, three-quarter pants or my secondary school dairy and poem book or my black pouch or my black low-waist jeans…the list is endless.

I guess we all have list of favorite things that people just don’t get why we love them and hold on to them. Just like some old friends who we don’t have anything in common with anymore but we still want them around. Whose life has gone in opposite directions from ours but despite the social, educational, financial or even religious differences, we just can’t let them go. This could be because of the memories shared, or the fact that they were there through it all, or the fact that you very comfortable around them. All in all, I must say I have my list of favorite things just like I have my list of all time favorite people and it is definitely not a crime to hold on to these few things and people. So if my loafers decides that its time to leave me, am gonna let it go but I just hope it realizes before it is too late that no one is ever love it like I did and still do!!!