Reflections of a random rebel.

1.The pedestrian toaster.

These ones are the most notorious.
its like they leave their house with a toasting target.
-20 gals per day
they'ld walk u to up anywia and most times they'ld start the cnversation with
''u look familiar'..
almost every lady looks familiar to them because they have obviously 'toasted' them b4 at sum point or the other...

2.The one who has read the encyclopeadia of pick up lines.

ha ha, these ones are my favourite of all times cos i ahve also mastered the act of giving the perfect response to their lame pick up lines.
e.g-guy:''heaven must be missing an angel''
me: (with the konkest waffi tone i can muster)..an den tell u say na me kidnap am''?
i know what angels look like,and if not anything, i know they dont have 'manchesters' like mine.
so quit the lying and say sumtin else...
or ''i didnt catch ur name''...''i didnt throw it!''


3.The on-the-job Toaster

These one's are like the worst.
and most of the time they are bankers.
you want to deposit oh, u want to withdraw oh..they will ask for your number and try to start a converstion by dumbly saying something like '' withdraw enough for two oh,or spend this money now,its urs''....and yes, Lagos state taX collectors tooo...na Tax then kon collect na number they go change am too..
oh,its really worse when they are Doctors too,imagine going for a cervical cancer test and after standing up,trying desperately not to be embarrased, he goes like ''can i have ur number'?
''Hell No''!!

4.The Accidental Toaster

These ones are like preys, wiating for ur shoppin bag or books or whatever it is you are holdin and they'ld pretend to want to help and then the next thing is..''whats ur name beautiful''??
most times they are the cause of these accidents!

5.The one who asks the very dumb questions

''...sorry is this the way to the island?''
''...excuse me, is Fashola the Govnor of This state''
''...sorry,is it true that Yara'dua is dead?''
''...what's the time pls?''-''guy,u are wearin a wristwatch,am not!''
cut the crap Man and go straight to the point...

6.The one with the horrible grammar

someone once asked me this question, ''how many MALE BROTHERS do u have???''
till date, i still dont know the right answer to that question..
or ''whats ur area of proffessional concentration''?
like wtf are u trying to say??

7.The pathetic gadget show-off

he starts a converstion with something like this
''...is that a Blackberry?''
''no, its not''
''oh, i thought it was,it looks just like my BB bold.i just got it, u wanna see?''
''do i look like a 5 yr old???''

So I read another really nice book called MAN AND BOY by Tony Parsons.
It was the story of a man, who is supposedly happily married and had everything. Great wife, a lovely son and a good job but threw it all away just because of a one-night-stand. Then he had to learn to appreciate the little things he took for granted and find his way back to happiness.

Let me tell you a little about the story.
When his wife found out about his infidelity, she packed up her bags and left with their son.
He begged and pleaded and did all he could do, but the wife told him that she couldn’t trust him again and since he did it once, he was going to do it again. At some point, I started getting pissed with the wife. I was thinking why is she making a big deal out of it?
Why walk out on your marriage just because of such a trivia issue?
I kept thinking, what else do you want him to do? At least he apologised and promised not to do it again. I kept seeing her as an ‘alaseju’.
I kept thinking, all these white women self.

Before you begin your own judgement too, let me tell you a little about the wife.
She was born to a father who was never there while she was growing up, a man who went around the world, getting married to women and then walking out on them.
So she grew up with the notion that all men are like that. But then she met this really romantic guy who made her believe in love and fairytales. She believed all that he ever told and promised her, he was her everything. She gave up her career, dreams, friends and all for him. So when he cheated, just once, she was broken beyond repair because she never for once doubted him.

In the book, the man at some point said ‘it was just meaningless sex’ and she said, ‘that is why it hurts more’.
Trying to justify his reasons for cheating he also said ‘men don’t cheat because they no longer love their wives, the cheat because there was an opportunity to cheat and most times because they are bored with the old ‘stuff’.

I got to work and discussed the book with my colleague who lent it to me. I realised he felt what the woman did was unnecessary too. He said she was probably tired of the marriage and wanted out.
At that point I realise that is the way the average person in this part of the world sees infidelity in marriage. It is ok, as long as the husband doesn’t do it to your face and if he is caught, an apology should settle it. It is not a big deal and a lot of women go into marriage with that notion.

The average white person will walk out on a marriage regardless of how many years it has been if her husband does as much as kiss another woman. I can imagine what people will say if a Nigerian woman decides to divorce her husband because he cheated once. Her parents will probably think she has gone crazy and would rather take her to church for prayers ignoring the real problem.
These days, wives have learnt to just look away. Why bother reading his text message when you know that you might die of a heart attack from the contents?

A friend once asked me whether I can break-up with a guy if I find him cheating.
I told him it depends on who he does it with, where he does it, and probably how.
He looked at me and asked me whether I have always been like this.
My response, ‘I have learnt over time that the fastest way to get a heart attack is to go around thinking your partner is infallible’.
I had this boss who was really nice and unbelievably patient with people. When she was asked how she does it, she says she sees every human as imperfect and always assumes that at some point they will do something wrong. She said she hardly gets upset with people, even her husband.

I do get upset with people, a whole lot and I will be very upset if I find out my partner is cheating but I will not be surprised. Forgive me for sounding so cynical, but am still yet to meet a guy who would prove me wrong.
The greatest disadvantage of having this school of thought is that people like me who believe in it are incapable of loving wholeheartedly.
We go into a relationship expecting the worst and not trusting the other person completely. We would have created the worst scenario in our heads and because we spend so much time expecting the worst we end up not really savouring the uniqueness of the relationship.
The greatest advantage is that whatever happens, we are always prepared and most times, we do not get deeply hurt.

I blame the woman in that book. I blame her for believing so much in a man. I blame her for giving everything up for HIM, even though he was her husband and then I blame her for not forgiving him because what they had was really beautiful.
As far as am concerned, Divorce is never an option. well, except if I find him sleeping with another man, my relative, an animal or if he beats me.

But what is love without, trust and hope and faith?
What is love when one is not willing to make sacrifices for the other?
One of the greatest beauties of being in love is the ability to let you guard down. To trust another person with your heart and believe that he or she would not hurt you.
It’s the most wonderful feeling ever and I know this feeling because have felt it before…

Two weeks ago, my dearest brother, Fikayo, gave me a book called -the way to happiness (a common sense guide to better living). One of the beauty of this book is that its not meant for you to read alone. You are supposed to read and buy more to distribute to people around you.People, who you think your happiness is somewhat dependent on theirs. In other words, people who you know that if somehow they are unhappy it can result in you being unhappy. Then on the third page there is a part that says,"why i gave you this book-your survival is important to me"-who would have thought that? lol..

Asides from the fact that i was glad that at least am that important to my brother(smiles), i also think the book is a great book. it's easy to read and really cute like that , u know? It summarizes in few lines the basic things and habits you can do to make yourself live a happier life and and have peace of mind. The best thing about it is that it is not a religious book so basically anyone can read it and adapt its teachings.

It summarizes the rules as follows:
1.Take care of yourself-get care when you are ill,keep your body clean,preserve your teeth,eat properly, and get rest.
2.Be temperate-do not take harmful drugs and do not take alcohol in excess.
3.Don't be promiscuous-be faithful o one partner.
4.Love and help children.
5.Honor and help your parents.
6.Set a good example.
7.Seek to live with the truth-do not bear false witness
8.Do not murder
9.Do not do anything illegal.
10.Support a government designed and run for all people.
11.Do not harm a person of goodwill.
12.Safe guard and improve your environment-take care of your own area and help take care of the planet.
13.Do not steal.
14.Be worthy of trust-keep your words once given.
15.Fulfill your obligations.
16.Be industrious.
17.Be competent-look,learn and practice.
18.Respect the religious beliefs of others.
19.Try not to do things to others that you will not like them to do to you.
20.Try to treat others as you would like them to treat you-justness,loyalty,good sportsmanship,fairness,honesty,kindness,consideration,compassion, self control,tolerance,forgiveness,benevolence,belief,respect,politeness,dignity,admiration,
friendliness, love and integrity.
21.Flourish and prosper.

That is a really long list I know but imagine if everyone read this book and makes attempt to follow these rules? one of the rules that always seem to cross my mind is No. 18.RESPECT THE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS OF OTHERS. Recently i heard and read the news of the senator who did go ahead to marry a thirteen yr old. For me, the interesting part was the fact that he said he was not bound by any other law asides from the Islamic law and that the Islamic law allows for him to marry a thirteen year old-if at all his latest bride is thirteen. So for like a week i wondered in my mind, is he really right? Since his religion allows it, then what he is doing is not wrong. I must respect his religious beliefs. Then i thought, if we all go around acting based on only religious laws there would be chaos.

I always say that Nigerians are like the funniest people when it comes to religion. when we want to do something wrong, we always seem to find someone in our religious books to point to who did it and that makes it okay. Well it is not, the fact that Prophet Mohammad did marry a young girl as well does not make it okay to do it now. That was then, this is now! what he did contravened the child rights acts of 2003 and although this law is not ratified in all states of Nigeria, as a senator he should be the one upholding these laws not bending it.

Regardless of whatever physical, educational and mental growth a thirteen yr old has, as far as i am concerned, he or she is still a child. The worst thing you can ever do to anyone is to deny them of their childhood. When you suddenly force adulthood on a child it somehow has a way of backfiring. Nature itself does things in stages and there is a stage and time for everything.
I do not have the power or influence to fight this man but heaven knows if i had it, i would have fought him. Don't get me started on the girls parent, let's just leave that for another day.

So i came up with the "AT 13" movement. Lets all update our statuses from time to time, on facebook and twitter, whatever you can think of stating the childish things we were still doing at thirteen.Doing this will make people see how young a 13 yr old really is and somehow prevent things like this from happening in the future.

So I finally decided to get my acts together and get on with this blog thing. I was inspired to finally start because of a terrible nightmare I had. I decided to share my story maybe some people will learn from it. My favorite pair of shoes appeared to me in my dream three nights consecutively. The first night it was pleading with me to have mercy then the next night it threatened me and then, on the third night, I don’t know what happened but i woke up from sleep cos I heard a sound like someone was trying to open the main door. I went to the living room. Lo and behold, my lovely, beautiful loafers was trying to escape.it has finally decided to leave me…

Some of us own some things that we love so much, for me one of such things is my golden-brown loafers. It is so comfortable and it made the mistake of coming to this world in a color that actually matches almost everything. I wear it to work like three days out of five. Sometimes when am done dressing up and am looking for it, I find it in a funny place. Trying to hide from me but after so much cajoling and promises to treat it better it will agree to go to work with me. I guess it got to a point where it couldn’t take it no more, hence the nightmare.

I guess by now some people are beginning to wonder why I can’t just go on and buy another one. Its like this, if there is one problem that I have, its acquiring of shoes. I have never bought any other material thing as much as have bought shoes. But most times I buy them out of “ojukokoro’-I know I can’t wear them for long or that they are not very comfy but I still buy them. Unfortunately, I love high-heeled and very colorful shoes, but they are not everyday wear and besides I end up with these terrible cramps at night when I wear heels for long. I won’t disclose the number of shoes I have gotten this year for security reasons (lol) but am still yet to wear some of them. I know it’s a big problem and I have decided to address it.

I honestly don’t think the loafers should be complaining yet. At least there are things that have had for years and I have refused to let go of. Some of them I cant remember when I got them but they are still here with me. Like my cream colored stretchy trouser pants. Its has been with me since I was a size twelve -In my first year in the university,2003-till now and we still have a lot of years to spend together or my black, three-quarter pants or my secondary school dairy and poem book or my black pouch or my black low-waist jeans…the list is endless.

I guess we all have list of favorite things that people just don’t get why we love them and hold on to them. Just like some old friends who we don’t have anything in common with anymore but we still want them around. Whose life has gone in opposite directions from ours but despite the social, educational, financial or even religious differences, we just can’t let them go. This could be because of the memories shared, or the fact that they were there through it all, or the fact that you very comfortable around them. All in all, I must say I have my list of favorite things just like I have my list of all time favorite people and it is definitely not a crime to hold on to these few things and people. So if my loafers decides that its time to leave me, am gonna let it go but I just hope it realizes before it is too late that no one is ever love it like I did and still do!!!