Reflections of a random rebel.

So I read another really nice book called MAN AND BOY by Tony Parsons.
It was the story of a man, who is supposedly happily married and had everything. Great wife, a lovely son and a good job but threw it all away just because of a one-night-stand. Then he had to learn to appreciate the little things he took for granted and find his way back to happiness.

Let me tell you a little about the story.
When his wife found out about his infidelity, she packed up her bags and left with their son.
He begged and pleaded and did all he could do, but the wife told him that she couldn’t trust him again and since he did it once, he was going to do it again. At some point, I started getting pissed with the wife. I was thinking why is she making a big deal out of it?
Why walk out on your marriage just because of such a trivia issue?
I kept thinking, what else do you want him to do? At least he apologised and promised not to do it again. I kept seeing her as an ‘alaseju’.
I kept thinking, all these white women self.

Before you begin your own judgement too, let me tell you a little about the wife.
She was born to a father who was never there while she was growing up, a man who went around the world, getting married to women and then walking out on them.
So she grew up with the notion that all men are like that. But then she met this really romantic guy who made her believe in love and fairytales. She believed all that he ever told and promised her, he was her everything. She gave up her career, dreams, friends and all for him. So when he cheated, just once, she was broken beyond repair because she never for once doubted him.

In the book, the man at some point said ‘it was just meaningless sex’ and she said, ‘that is why it hurts more’.
Trying to justify his reasons for cheating he also said ‘men don’t cheat because they no longer love their wives, the cheat because there was an opportunity to cheat and most times because they are bored with the old ‘stuff’.

I got to work and discussed the book with my colleague who lent it to me. I realised he felt what the woman did was unnecessary too. He said she was probably tired of the marriage and wanted out.
At that point I realise that is the way the average person in this part of the world sees infidelity in marriage. It is ok, as long as the husband doesn’t do it to your face and if he is caught, an apology should settle it. It is not a big deal and a lot of women go into marriage with that notion.

The average white person will walk out on a marriage regardless of how many years it has been if her husband does as much as kiss another woman. I can imagine what people will say if a Nigerian woman decides to divorce her husband because he cheated once. Her parents will probably think she has gone crazy and would rather take her to church for prayers ignoring the real problem.
These days, wives have learnt to just look away. Why bother reading his text message when you know that you might die of a heart attack from the contents?

A friend once asked me whether I can break-up with a guy if I find him cheating.
I told him it depends on who he does it with, where he does it, and probably how.
He looked at me and asked me whether I have always been like this.
My response, ‘I have learnt over time that the fastest way to get a heart attack is to go around thinking your partner is infallible’.
I had this boss who was really nice and unbelievably patient with people. When she was asked how she does it, she says she sees every human as imperfect and always assumes that at some point they will do something wrong. She said she hardly gets upset with people, even her husband.

I do get upset with people, a whole lot and I will be very upset if I find out my partner is cheating but I will not be surprised. Forgive me for sounding so cynical, but am still yet to meet a guy who would prove me wrong.
The greatest disadvantage of having this school of thought is that people like me who believe in it are incapable of loving wholeheartedly.
We go into a relationship expecting the worst and not trusting the other person completely. We would have created the worst scenario in our heads and because we spend so much time expecting the worst we end up not really savouring the uniqueness of the relationship.
The greatest advantage is that whatever happens, we are always prepared and most times, we do not get deeply hurt.

I blame the woman in that book. I blame her for believing so much in a man. I blame her for giving everything up for HIM, even though he was her husband and then I blame her for not forgiving him because what they had was really beautiful.
As far as am concerned, Divorce is never an option. well, except if I find him sleeping with another man, my relative, an animal or if he beats me.

But what is love without, trust and hope and faith?
What is love when one is not willing to make sacrifices for the other?
One of the greatest beauties of being in love is the ability to let you guard down. To trust another person with your heart and believe that he or she would not hurt you.
It’s the most wonderful feeling ever and I know this feeling because have felt it before…