Reflections of a random rebel.

p.s.
This was written by my dear friend on his hospital bed..he has not written anything in years. i read this,found it funny and i decided to post on my blog.
please read and leave your comments.




Okay I have been wanting to write for some time now but my very intelligent mind (that is what I like to tell myself after all I’m a graduate) keeps shooting blanks and I pretended its because I’m a very busy person. But when you have been ill for like 7 days and you have had your body (and soul I might add) pricked, pierced, punctured in fact stabbed by so many NURSES (thank God there are no male nurses) you suddenly start to wonder about them. And if you have been ill for like seven days and taken injection for the seven days you will meet all the Nurses, All will greet you, some will smile at you and of courses some will inject at you.

So I want to talk about nurses
There are different kinds of nurses (obviously) in no particular order.

Lamb
Zelda
Porn Star
Sweet Nurses

Lamb
This one is a fresher (it’s that simple) she is just starting out. Believes the hospital is a good place. You know the type that starts to act like a “tele-tubby” character when they see a cute baby (in fact any baby sef, cute or not). She is so nice you feel like you are in a hotel. I like it when she comes to inject me. Her hands are still tender her nails short and trim her touch gentle. Pity in her eyes as she fills the syringe, wondering why such a handsome young man has to go thorough this (it does not matter if I am or not just go with the flow). You can tell her hand is shaky while injecting you but you don’t mind because she is beautiful and looks so sweet in that uniform. Suddenly she is like a 100 level girl and you start to feel like a 400 hundred guy and every time the conversation is about to get to where you invite her for tutorials at yours in the evening (when you recover of course) ZELDA walks in. The lamb is the nurse you remember to ask after when you are discharged (usually Zelda tells u she is off duty even when she is on duty).

Zelda
Zelda is one evil evil evil nurse (I’m writing a petition to the federal government that all Zeldas be retired. I’m gonna need 1000 signatures I hope you will sign). She is not pretty or ugly but she sure as hell has “voldermots” eye. They stare into your soul. The sickness knows when she is around and behaves properly in her presence (the headache is firmer, your temperature rises sharp sharp, and your joints start to ache you very very well). I’m not sure how I feel when she comes to inject me (I’m too sick to have an opinion). Her hands are firm and crooked, you can tell her mind is on “Africa magic” while she fills the syringe. One look at you and you roll over, she injects you and you don’t feel a thing (that’s what you think), but every time Zelda comes to check up on you and you look in to her eyes you feel the pain right where she injected you. I’ve learnt not to look into her eyes and so have the other patients. She is the nurse you don’t greet when you are discharged, you walk right past her head high shoulders straight (I’m well now).

Sweet Nurse
The Sweet nurse is like sunshine, she fills the room. She is old and mature knows how to charge a room with positive energy she knows all the right questions to ask. You are happy she is there and you guys have little meaningless convos about how u you are not married and her son isn’t too (even though u r both old enough to be) and u tell her stuff like she is your mum. In fact you wish you could take her home with you (as what na!?!?!? Your mother abi ur wife…ode!). I look forward to her coming to inject me, I feel positive like I’m going through a healing process (plus there is the interesting convo). You can see that she is worried about you and the other patients while she fills the syringe, saying a silent prayer. You have already turned for the injection before she asks. The only thing you feel is the “prick” (of the needle…what were u thinking) after that you don’t even know when she is done. You usually fall asleep after her injections even when there are no sedatives. She is the nurse you remember to say thank you to when you are discharged.

The Porn Star
Yeah you know her while most other nurses seem so drab in their uniform she manages to look like she is at he club, and for a moment there you can’t wait to get better so u can hit town together on Friday. She is always chewing gum and answers with a “grunt” (one grunt is yes, two grunts is a no). I think she doesn’t talk much because she is not intelligent (how did she make it through nursing school…i’m sure her HOD was male). She gets away with all the stuff other nurses don’t, she wears heels, plenty make up, long brightly painted nails, (is that Brazilian hair on her head -the owner of this hospital must be male). I love and hate it when she comes to inject me (its like painful sex). You can tell she is wondering how firm your behind is as she fills the syringe. She keeps dropping the syringe to check her blackberry. (God help you if a call comes in while she is injecting, you the session will last as long as the call…O yeah with the injection in you behind). When she swabs your behind with spirits you body tingles, she lays one hand softy on you bum you feel like she is about to kiss your ears…then you shout, you feel the whole length of the needle going in, even worse you feel the fluid entering your muscles painfully. Just when you are bout to scream again she draws out the needle in a painless sensual manner. You are about to ask for her blackberry pin then the “Sweet nurse” drops in and starts another meaningless interesting convo, *sigh*. She is the nurse you warned yourself not to collect her number or her pin she will ruin you marriage or relationship (whichever one).